GOOD GRIEF By Natasha J. Rosewood

“I’m fine,” my client responded. Her brave smile was a thin disguise for her pain.

Her current situation was also not the root of her sorrow. This pain stemmed from a very old hurt and was now being triggered by a repeat of a similar situation. Because the original abandonment issue had not been acknowledged, validated and grieved, the hurt had festered, creating layers of unhappiness.

While it might be admirable to be brave in the face of a crisis, we also need to allow ourselves to feel. And feeling includes pain as well as joy. If we don’t let the pain flow through us and out the other side, like a small tumor, that pain will just grow until eventually, it will hurt us more. Unresolved grief manifests in many different forms. Insanity, cancer, paranoia and depression are extremes. Grieving is good for you. But how does one grieve?

Give yourself permission to howl, scream, vent your anger or just talk to someone. Acknowledge your pain. Write about it. Ask someone—even a complete stranger—to validate your feelings. Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be hurt.

Talk to or write a letter to the offenders whether they are alive—or dead. If you are feeling guilty, remember you are forgiven. There’s nothing but love on the “other side.”

Do you feel that you are sometimes living with a low-grade flu, tired all the time, bored or stuck? It might be time for you to grieve. Go ahead. It’s good for you!